Day 4 – Panic

It’s late night again and I am unsatisfied with everything. Today was a decent day in terms of productivity. I say decent because the jobs are half done and it’s up to tomorrow to finish them. Personally, I am becoming more and more observant of my self without being self conscious – yes that makes sense.

Today was loads of ambivalence still. All I keep thinking is that the next project must have a next project and the one after that another, and yet I am at a loss as to where to start. And I must make back a whole lot of money too. Tomorrow, the accounting begins and I shall have a second quarter target which hopefully will add another level of harmony to this calculated mess.

I am writing because I said to myself I would. Before this I watched an “acclaimed” film which was particularly disappointing. Earlier, I found that I am technically and scientifically broke without any prospect of independent income for the foreseeable future. Still mad. Before all that, I would out that I am in debt too. But I was sure I paid the debt, even though the financial statement gaslighted me worse than a service station in Iraq. Lol. Get it? What I am glad for is that I was willing to fight, and I actually went up to start the battle in the certainty that I am not mad, I am not so reckless. What happened to spelling it as wreckless  anyway? I am a long hall with many doors, and I am the doors as well.

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