Naturally, there are many moments during any day in which I make discoveries about myself and my problems. It is more useful, and [insert word related to theraphy sp which I can’t spell here] to deal with those emotions at that time than to leave them hanging for later interrogation on this blog.
This isn’t meant to be the process; it is supposed to be the documentation of it. It may be sometimes, it might be great for the prompted examination but it mustn’t be by default.
So Day 16 was about regaining excitement and zest for life. Realizing that I have been through worst, and will always survive. I shall always survive, that me and myself have always know. But, dear pet, didn’t you want to live?
There is a big difference between the two. Growing in spite of something and growing despite something which is a potential roadblock. I went to the woods because I wanted to reduce life to its simplest terms. I came to live.
Today’s conversations with my day 3 partner in crime made me realize that I have been turning to many bad habits to avoid a lot of things at home. It seems to me that I have been misdiagnosing myself all along (hard to believe, right?) and I was using fleeing as a coping mechanism instead of confronting the issues face on.
That it coincided with a heightened desire to see what the world has and had was a most (mis)fortunate curiosity. Can the past be undone?
I don’t have the answers, Kurt!
But enter the field I must. It would make no sense at all to try fixing a thing related to my relations with relations without out being on the pitch. Practice, practice, play, record, observe, practice, practice,practice, practice, record, observe, play. Test it all. Test them all. Test you all.