I wanted to add in the update of the previous “day” post that I have been reading an old blog by a friend who walked a similar journey to the one I am paving. Okay, maybe not a friend. Not an old friend, or an acquaintance. Not even an associate. Yet that blog inspires me for this.
See, it has been easy for me to cut people off because I am not around them and can ignore them to my hearts content. Not because of confrontation, which ultimately leads to my desired out come i.e my way or the highway for that number of the masses formerly known as my friends. Bye.
I want to walk in the light, and I must pass under the shadow.
So now I have a serious decision to make. Having shamelessly, and shamefully broken my oath not to drink to the point of foolishness and self embarrassment, is it now my position to restart that quest or to not drink at all. Let me weigh the pros and cons.
Not drinking means that I know for sure that I won’t overspend, that I won’t talk unnecessarily and most importantly that I won’t be foolish enough to betray sober intentions.
Controlling my drink means learning to ride an untamed stallion. Can you break a true stallion while you are on its back?
Let me add a secret; I already knew what I am to do before I started writing this part lol. No, I am not going to quit drinking. I have been disciplined under this before, I can again. Disappearing from public presence and appearance does not alter reputation; it simply holds it in trust for the day of your return. I need to actively fix whatever I’ve broken.
I must trust myself, all of myself, even those parts which I do not know or understand. Self betrayal is the only true harm.