Day 23 to 27 – The Madness of Repetition for Change

The title is clear. It is a mad man who does the same thing over and over to expect different results. I know that I said it is imperative to test performance in real time and not sufficient to conceptualize.

The problem I didn’t realize is that you cannot test a model which you have not built, implemented or even fully conceptualized. When you do, and try to do that, all that happens is a defaulting to the original setting. That has certainly happened to me several times already. So, we adjust action steps.

I don’t have it in me to give up on myself. Yes I am tired. Yes I am hurting. Yes I want to go far, far away and just press reset. It wouldn’t solve anything to run away though or to just give up. I must however forge myself in silence, away from the din of the masses and the close circle to be sure that I am ready.

Time takes time, change takes will power. I think now that part of the problem is not having a destination goal. I mean, there is a plan but I have not paid it the mind it needs to become more tangible. To feel like mine. For me to believe in it again.

So, having just failed again to keep up with the writing I pledge to give it another go. To be better than I am now, to be greater than I ever was. I refuse to give up on myself, and by all measures I shall recover. Not only recover but prosper as well. Thrive and climb.


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