Day 37,38,39,40

Is it me or are the days between no posts getting fewer? Or yet still is the weekend the cause of all this absenteeism? Who knows.

The first thing first is that I actually realized something today. Recently I’ve been writing for the sake of the promise, which was also part of the calculation of the journey but today I saw something which I particularly want to talk about.

I have never been a person who can simply be invited to a thing spontaneously. You must plan and arrange things properly, or risk my absence. And when I am present I create value such that the entire situation is elevated by that. Facts.

Then why did I find myself today in a total unanticipated situation? To my mind it was going to be an open, one on one interaction which would bear the necessary to water the plant that is this relationship. And yet that wasn’t factored in. In the end I left feeling as though I had been competing for attention the entire time.

It’s a no from me. I refuse. Especially to become that person who is so conscious of the potential absence of attention that I begin to demand and demand it like a toddler. I do not demand.

I command.

And so it must become again with all my interactions. And so it shall.

I would rather ask for forgiveness rather than for permission. Even when I am getting my bearings, wherever, I am still I.

I remain.


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